The Countdown

“Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory.” ― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

With less than 2 weeks until my departure, this whole adventure is starting to feel real. Tonight is my going-away party, and I’ve just received my Visa in the mail from the Thai Consulate. It’s insane to think that in just 12 days, I will be disembarking for a 22 hour journey to Thailand, the country I have researched extensively; I’ve probably seen every image on the internet tagged “Thailand”, watched countless videos and read for what felt like days on the customs of this place. 

This summer has been interesting, to say the least. It has felt almost like purgatory, living in my old world while watching my new one slowly take shape. I’ve been faced with a lot before my physical journey has even begun. One of the things I’ve had to learn to work through this summer has been confronting fear. I’ve found that a lot of times when I told someone new about my plans, they would present me with the fear that existed within them surrounding travel, being in a foreign country where English is not the native language, etc. 

I’ve had to learn how to separate what’s mine with what is being projected onto me, and that has been a valuable lesson. I’ve learned that the reality of moving to another country is indeed quite different than the visualization of it. For as long as I can remember, I was researching opportunities to move (primarily to Asia). In those times, the brainstorming phase, it seemed like everything would just be perfect if I could change the setting of my life drastically. 

In even just planning for this move, I’ve come to realize that a lot goes into picking up and moving out of the country. Having spent much of my summer “celebrating”, I’ve found that one of the biggest challenges with an event like this is learning how to be present throughout the whole process. Much of my celebration was just me trying to skip to the “good part”. That, and maybe a little bit of denial that I’d eventually have to feel these emotions–and there are a lot–that come with a drastic life change. I would have to take responsibility for this move, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

One of my lovely yoga students who has solo-traveled herself shared some wisdom with me after my last class. She said, “the greatest tool you have is your awareness.” Awareness is what I’m currently working on cultivating. I have found it to be true that things happen to us energetically before they happen to us in the physical realm. Energetically, especially this past week, I have been working on shedding the excess and strengthening my awareness.

It is with this, my greatest tool, that I will jump into the unknown.