Before coming to Thailand, I had a definite image in my head about what my life would be like.
I can, in some part, attribute this to the role social media plays. Travelers visit beautiful places and use the images they collect to make vision boards of the perfect life. Hell, even I do that. The fact of the matter is, this is an incredibly pretty place to be. But before I came, when I would sit at my monotonous 9-5, I would imagine myself in the jungle with elephants every day, or spending all my time lounging on an island and drinking from a coconut.
What I didn’t imagine was being the only English speaker in my province, getting weird looks, having people take pictures of me at the grocery store, constantly being reduced to my most basic trait, foreigner (farang). But really, Westerner. Although this aspect of my new life will take a lot of adjusting to, it is subconsciously what I asked for.
It’s during the times when I’m frustrated by culture shock that I have to ask myself: why did I come here in the first place?
Right… to become multi-cultural, to learn how to be alone after having the same partner for seven years, to grow. And I wanted to obtain these things by sitting on a beach with a coconut 24/7? That’s just not how living abroad works; it’s not how being a person works. Real change can only take place during discomfort.
To be perfectly honest, there is nothing in the world that is worth the level of respect I have for myself after making this series of rough transitions. That’s not something you can buy in an all-inclusive holiday package.
I’m finding salvation in places I never expected.
Since I finished my undergrad, I have not had the most success professionally. On paper, I look alright; I completed my master’s, worked in corporate and start-up settings in a variety of fields, and adapted to many different roles. But aside from teaching yoga, every professional job I’ve had has made me fundamentally unhappy.
To me, work has been a chore: something I dreaded, but needed in order to survive. (That’s just some old fear programming talking, but I’ll save that for a later post.)
Now that I find myself as the farang in an unfamiliar place, my work is giving me purpose. This alone is something that is taking some getting used to, because I’ve been so conditioned to trudge through the day, something that was socially reinforced in all my workplaces in the states.
The kindergarten I work at is truly amazing. There are so many different activities throughout the day; and the owner of my school is a huge inspiration. Of course I would find myself at a woman-owned school and have a powerful female role model as my boss. She is so passionate about creating a culture where the children are free to be themselves. She told me the one thing she wants is for them to be good people.
All in all, a good first-half-of-week-one down.
Just like when I was in my TESOL course, a few days can really feel like a lifetime when the adjustments are this massive. It’s been a rollercoaster, but I’m starting to find some plateaus, and in that there is great salvation.
Lunar Liv 