Adjustments

I have absolutely been slacking on writing a blog, and for that I’m sorry! There’s been a lot going on in my world.

It’s been eventful, but more chill, all at once.

Last week, none of the kids in my kindergarten came to school because three of them caught Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. So my three American co-teachers and I had all week to lesson plan which was quite nice. Not nice that the kids had HFM, obviously. We got out early every day, time which I used to do yoga, workout, read, draw…

I also began teaching a yoga class on Tuesday nights, which makes my heart so happy! I didn’t realize how much I love teaching yoga when I was doing it regularly back home. But it comes so naturally to me, and it is really incredible to have something to share wherever I go.

Chonburi definitely has a lot more creature comforts than I was used to in Sukhothai. It almost feels like the complete other end of the spectrum. I know I’ve mentioned that, but I’ll keep mentioning it because it is really shaping my experience.

It’s not until I sat down to write a blog that I really considered how.

In Sukhothai, because everything felt so difficult to get to (I had no bike, less ability to communicate basic things, less access to food/people/civilization), I really had to put myself out there to become part of the community. So, I was externally focused in a big way. I was also really sad and homesick because of what I was experiencing work-wise.

Here, because things are more readily available, I am much more inclined to focus inward. I think this is a gift. I could have flourished in either environment, but I think an internal focus is genuinely what I need right now. I’m at a stage where I’m really working on being completely comfortable with who I am. Being in Chonburi has highlighted my biggest personality wound (for anyone who’s into astrology, I have Chiron in Aquarius): feeling like an outsider.

Another big difference is my proximity to Bangkok (one hour and only a 75 baht van) and how accessible travel is to me now. I’ve got a lot planned in the near future that I’m very excited about.

Last weekend I took a trip to Bangkok to visit my friend Adrienne who lives in Rat Burana. It was a pretty amazing time, we went to the Chatuchak market, which is MASSIVE, and has everything you can possibly think of. We walked around, ate a bunch of street food, checked out some enormous malls along the way, ventured through a couple parks.

The parks are wild to me, because of how peaceful they are in contrast to how crazy BKK can be.

We found a butterfly conservatory and Mexican food… It was a swell time.

There are times when this journey is very lonely. Doesn’t matter if you’re somewhere that is full of expats and stuff to do, or isolated in a rural town where no one speaks your language. Part of the experience is being alone, and learning how to be good with that.

I straight up have a lot of trouble fitting in with a crowd, and that’s been a recurring theme in my life. But whenever I try to water myself down or otherwise change my personality to make myself fit into a box, nothing good comes of it. I just end up feeling further removed from myself, and therefore more alone.

The challenge I’m currently working through is learning to let myself be different. People will think that I’m a weirdo, and I’ve got to be okay with that. I am a weirdo, I guess the first step is acknowledgement.

Anyway, I’ve realized through this experience how lucky I’ve been in life to make the connections I have. Even if my soul friends are spread across the world, I know I have people in my life who really see me, even if that’s emphasized by the ones who don’t. I’ve been so lucky to bond with people because of how we see the world…to me, that’s the deepest kind of love.

The moral of this blog post is… yeah. Things are good. There’s balance.