In case you aren’t an avid follower of my blog, I’ll give you a quick review of my time in Songkhla so far (plus some new information). I was having a rough transition. Though the city itself is lovely, and I’ve had positive experiences here, I was going through/am coming out of an internal purging of dense energy that has really taken a toll on me. It was manifesting first as depression, and more recently (this past week) as an actual flu. I had to miss a day of work and I just slept for 16 hours straight. The clinic confirmed it wasn’t COVID, thankfully. Definitely related to exhaustion and teaching 29 classes per week, plus about eight hours of tutoring (until I cancelled my tutoring because it was way too much).
Anyway… all this stuff has been clearing, and meanwhile I’ve been making efforts to make myself happy (when my instinct lately has just been to wallow in bed and watch Netflix).
Then it happened. I woke up on Sunday morning with little Disney birds chirping all around me. The sun was shining, and it was the most beautiful day I had ever seen. I jumped out of bed a brand new person. It was the feeling… The feeling of every birthday I’ve ever had, every new country I’ve travelled to as I’ve stepped off the plane, every surge of romantic fireworks, all the best concerts and festivals I’ve ever been to, and I was filled with it. On an ordinary Sunday. After about a month and a half of periodic despair.
I went for a walk to one of my favorite cafes in town and just sat outside and read a book for a while. There was so much to be grateful for, once again, and more than anything there was an overwhelming feeling of relief that overtook me. “Oh yeah, I was just stuck. My feelings aren’t me, and they aren’t forever.”
I was reminded of a few things about being in/getting out of a funk.
- Even little strides can make a difference.
Going out to dinner with a friend. Dragging my butt to self-defense classes (which are free because the Tae Kwon Do instructor next door to me wants English lessons, so we trade). Spending time with locals who don’t speak any English. Doing my lesson planning at one of the many cute cafes here, rather than in my apartment.
Even if I feel defeated in the moment, literally just going somewhere and doing something makes a big difference… and it adds up!
- Friends are all around
It was pointed out to me that I’m actually quite good at making friends everywhere I go, even without meaning to. Here’s an example: I was hanging out at a cafe with the intention to just sip coffee and draw on my own, but the power went out. I ended up going to the first floor and hanging out, and struck up a conversation with another farang (who I’m telling you are rare in this town). About an hour into talking we realized we were soul sisters and started discussing moving into a house together. Since then, we’ve hung out pretty much every day, even by accident.
I’m so lucky to have made the friends I have here. They’ve been lifesavers. I’ve only recently met most of them too, but man it changes the whole energy of a place. At the beginning of quarantine I was really reveling in my alone time. I was in this state of not needing anyone, and actually feeling a little exhausted from simple interactions. I was spending a bunch of time just meditating or reading alone in my room. I thought I had it all figured out, but part of me was craving even more growth. It never stops.
So when I cam to Songkhla, I was pushed to build bonds outside of myself… and I’ve had to realize that’s okay. It’s okay to have relationships with others, it doesn’t make the one I have with myself any lesser.
3. The antidote to culture shock is curiosity.
Again with the culture shock, but it’s truly what I’m experiencing. It’s definitely not as severe as my first placement in Sukhothai. Though the pattern of feelings is similar in some ways.
I’ve discussed with my aforementioned new friend, who also happens to be into energetics, this shared phenomenon we’ve both had here in Songkhla. When we both got here at first, everything was grey and gloomy and sad. I felt so depressed for a few weeks during the eclipses, and it turns out she did too. What’s crazy is that we’ve also both had moments of intense, inexplicable love for this place. Where it is so vibrant and truly the happiest place on earth.
Curiosity.
It’s the missing piece. If we can’t get curious about the mystery of a place, or the mystery of a culture, then it is totally lost on us. And I’ll say that Songkhla is the most mysterious place I’ve ever lived.
So much magic has happened here so far, and yeah, some days I do feel like I was hit by a bus after work… but as long as I don’t lose sight of the incredible gift that is my new home… I’m all good.
Lunar Liv 