Phuket: A Long and Winding Mountain Road

Surprise! I moved to Phuket.

It has been a roller coaster ride since I made the decision to move, and a very bumpy one. In fact, a better analogy might be a very steep, winding mountain, because that was something literal I had to learn how to conquer on my motorcycle since I got here…it was so traumatizing to ride down on my rickety rental scooter that the first few nights, I was falling asleep feeling as though I was endlessly driving up and down the mountain.

At my previous job in Songkhla, I was very overworked, and was becoming sick from the stress. So I left and found a job at an international school here in Kathu province. I moved with a former friend of mine, we packed up our apartments and just hopped on a bus, hoping to make ends meet somehow, although neither of us had any money to speak of. 

It was all a complete dream of a brand new life…until it wasn’t. When we first arrived, we were staying at a seedy hotel in Pa Tong; just riding around on rental scooters and exploring the terrain. Ultimately, it didn’t work out, us as friends, and I ended up having one of the most stressful nights of my life after my first day of school. I was distraught and out of a place to stay, but a seemingly kind Thai hotel-owner offered me a room in his hotel. Which was a relief, until he literally wouldn’t leave my room (me, at my absolute most distressed) and tried to kiss me. 

It’s hard to explain the exhaustion I was already feeling, and that kind of pushed me over the edge.

Needless to say, I was feeling defeated by the world, but was truly saved by a few friends who were there to talk me through these challenging moments. Because I was shaken by the experience so early on, I was determined to find happiness here, even though there was already a twinge of devastation in this place. The day after that episode, I was able to find a coworker who needed a roommate and moved in with her. Our house is literally five minutes from my school, and my roommate is the type of blunt, straight-talking presence I need in my life, because my own personality can be sensitive and overly tactful.

I’ve been here in Phuket for around three weeks, and I’m still finding my footing. I can’t deny the loneliness that comes from living life in this way. In the past year, I’ve moved 4-5 times, depending on what you consider “moving” to be. It could just be that I’ve moved once and never stopped. Unpacking here and there, but not staying in any place more than 4 months at a time. Truth be told, at the 4-month mark in Chonburi I was restless to leave. I felt like I had more to learn somewhere else.

We want to think that happiness lies in another part of the world. In my opinion, Phuket is one of the most beautiful places I could have come natural-beauty wise. Sure, there are a lot of tourist traps and Instagram models here, but you ride along Ao Ypn beach or down a random pineapple field with hazy mountains overlooking the jungle and you easily forget the blemishes. 

I don’t have a bunch of stories in Phuket yet, or a bunch of beautiful pictures or anything like that. I also don’t have a lot of wisdom from my time here yet, because every day has been an attempt to stay afloat. I just want to be real. I’m trying my best, I think everyone in the world is. I know I’m lucky to be here and to be living this life that is at times excruciatingly painful but just as beautiful.

Maybe I’ll have more in the next installment. x