I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about what it means to lead a life that other people don’t understand. The concept of that has totally morphed for me. A year ago, I would have said that picking up and moving across the world was a wild thing to do. Today, having made that journey and seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of that process for myself, I think that idea is a bit more complex.
I’ve come to believe that living a life outside of the norm doesn’t really depend on what you do, but how you do it; the values you maintain along the way.
Leaving Thailand has caused me to confront a lot within myself. In this past week, I’ve needed to evaluate the areas in which I’ve grown (and there have been many), but also the ways in which I can carry those things with me regardless of where I am physically in the world.
Moving to Phuket was abrupt, and it’s certainly a place with an intense energy; some love it and some hate it. I think if I had spent more time there I would have eventually acclimated more (I met some cool people and there was definitely a lot going on), but I was at a point in my journey where I felt like I was ready to move onto another adventure.
I did take a lot away from that island, though. Through some people I met, I saw that its totally possible to live in a beautiful paradise like Phuket, but still be wrapped up in your own mind. I met someone who had been in Thailand longer than me who hadn’t even tried basic Thai dishes, and mocked the culture relentlessly.
This made something clear to me: there are multiple reasons why people end up doing the exact thing that I felt was so novel a year ago.
My motivation was not to have a cool Instagram or to make it seem like my life was enviable. I was in a place personally where I needed to experience something outside of my own bubble. I longed to travel the world and experience life in other places, and part of that for me meant integrating into a new culture as much as I could.
On the flip side, some people move to a faraway place because they think it will fix everything. It will somehow make up for the places inside that feel empty or lacking. While as a human, I do understand this impulse, I’ve learned that nothing can do the internal work for you. No place, no job, no relationship.
A lot of what I experienced in Thailand was internal. It was profound in a lot of ways. My perception changed drastically, I reached highs and lows that I never thought possible. I can’t stress enough the intensity of the past year for me.
The intensity of deciding it was time to go was just as strong. I was in a proverbial hurricane where I felt there was nothing to hold onto, but I found an anchor. I reached a level of clarity that was undeniable, and I just knew.
Social media is an interesting place. We look at people as though they’re in a fishbowl, assuming we know the whole story, but we never do. With all the technology in the world, there’s still no way to upload how something feels. That’s why I’ll always be an advocate for travel. Sometimes you need to pack up and leave everything behind to understand the depth of life beyond how it appears from the outside.
There is endless beauty to be explored in the external world, but never forget that the landscape within is equally vast and just as breathtaking.
Lunar Liv 