Beauty in the Unknown: Matilda Edwards

In this installment of The Chronicles of Badass Female Solo Travelers, we will hear from my lovely friend and enormous inspiration Tilly, in her own words.

Name: Matilda Edwards

Age: 20
Nationality: Australian

Tell me a little about yourself…
Imagine you’re in a Beer Garden enjoying a catch up with friends, and you hear this repetitive loud laugh; a cross between a high pitched giggle and a low pitched cackle. You scan the garden, to see a young woman with a ‘done at home’ bob and bangs, observing and absorbing her surroundings wholeheartedly and downing her pint of craft beer like it’s quenching water. In the split seconds you’ve retained your focus to her, she’s felt the eyes upon her- instantly looking your way to make some warm eye contact and exchange a wide, friendly smile.
Maybe she feels an interest in you; something she feels she needs to learn more about, while discovering new elements of her external world as well as her internal self. Or maybe, just maybe.. She feels that way about all of which surrounds her. A curious mind, a question for everything, and a compliment wherever it fits.

What inspired you to pick up and move to Thailand?
I remember sitting in my beautiful home on Bruny Island, enjoying my cuppa and listening to the robbins play around in the sunshine outside. I had just finished up my (subconsciously) very strict morning routine- nothing and no one came between me and my morning routine, and if they did who knows what the hell would abrupt on this Earth! I enjoyed comfortability, the stabilising feeling of things in order and familiarity. Sure it’s a beautiful feeling to have, but how much can you really grow and develop as an individual if you’re always stuck in routine?
As much as I enjoyed my routines, in the back of my mind I did ponder how much longer i could live happily in my bubble.
After spending a few months, the previous year travelling up the East Coast of Australia in my Toyota Townace van (talk about simple living), I’d gotten the taste of solo travel. It’s an invigorating feeling, not knowing where you’ll be sleeping that night, although feeling reassured, because you’ve created a warming home on wheels.
No matter the circumstances, if an individual spends enough time with just their own company, they develop a sense of independence. Because there is no one else around to rely on but yourself. That’s when the self-pity, unaccepting small talks you have with yourself whip back a gear, because you start to think “well shit, I’m by myself here, I may as well really start enjoying my own company and who I am as an individual.” Call it arrogance, but I fucking love myself. I am accepting of my body, my mind and my soul- all of which are forever changing and adapting, and that’s bloody enlivening. As cliché as it sounds, once you’ve got the self-love down pat, every other relationship you hold dear to your heart; friends, lovers, family, become a whole lot easier to navigate, because you see and understand your deservingness of uplifting, healthy relationships. You are only ever lonely if you aren’t enjoying the company that’s most important- your own.
I had never been one that say ‘yes’ or make decisions unless I knew all the underlying details, so making the first initial call to say yes to this adventure was a challenge on its own. Because instead of being fearful of the unknown circumstances and the foreign locations, I became inspired and exhilarated by the thought. When I became aware of these changed emotions shortly after I first started planning my voyage, I knew I was about to face a bountiful amount of challenges, which will all promote personal growth. That was more than enough self-reassurance that I was making the right decision, to throw out my excessive amounts of Op Shop clothes and pack my essentials in a backpack, to start a new chapter in a new culture.

What has been the biggest challenge since moving here?
There has been plenty of challenges I have faced in the world that’s going on around me, but also challenges I’ve faced internally.
Within the first week of arriving in Thailand I was experiencing sensory overload; so many new systems in place in society, new smells, new sounds. There was always something new to me happening in my surroundings.
I remember the first Friday afternoon spent in Thailand clear as day. We were visiting a nearby temple to Hua Hin, situated up on a headland overlooking the beautiful, wide, yet completely bombarded by garbage, Eastern coastline. I had mentally prepared myself prior to arriving in Thailand, that there was going to be an obvious amount of single use plastics in everyday life, as well as completely unrealistic ways of disposing of them. The thoughts I had created in my mind of this were nothing in comparison to what I was witnessing when I arrived.
I was trying so hard to enjoy the view of stunning pastel colored yachts and crystal clear ocean, but how could my eyes ever stray away from the excessive amounts of garbage bags, chip packets, soft drink bottles and plastic straws floating straight from the shore out into the open ocean.
The walk up to the temple was a similar situation. Sure, the views were phenomenal, the temples and the warm presence of the Buddhist Culture and ways of life were all thriving throughout the place, but so was the smell of people’s weekly rubbish loads scattered all along the headland, tucked away into beautiful tall trees.
I could feel my mind ticking into overload… “Why, why why?! How is this allowed? How is this accepted? How is it a norm in everyday life!!!!”
I suppressed the negative emotions, because I wanted to enjoy this afternoon and evening with my new friends.
Bearing in my mind I was already feeling anger (an emotion I rarely feel), on the walk back down from the temple, I thoroughly enjoyed observing a family’s lifestyle situated at the bottom of the headland. They were living in an environment in which resembled my local tip back in Australia; rubbish everywhere, complete disorder in what they had created their home, living right next door to a sewage pipe in an open air home.
Despite their living arrangements, these children were some of the happiest I’ve seen while being here. They were playing, laughing, dancing, just genuinely enjoying each other’s company and enjoying the life they’ve been blessed with. They had nothing to compare their circumstances to, so it couldn’t have looked that bad in their eyes; they had somewhere to call home, some loved ones to call family and a home cooked meal for their bellies.. That’s all you really need isn’t it?
If we stripped back the materialistic layers we have created in the Western World I’m sure almost everyone would have a very similar philosophy. Instead, we are accustomed to being in a never ending rat race against each other; always ‘needing’ something new and always wanting something bigger and brighter.. Fuck that.
Although I have at times felt an unbearable amount of resentment towards the Thai Culture and their living ways, while transitioning through different stages of culture shock, I never once lost sight of my admiration for their pace of living. Here, there is no rat race. You get what you need to survive and that’s all there is to it, you make do, you adapt, you adjust. Life is a much slower pace in Thailand- wake up with the Earth, have a siesta in the middle of the day because it’s too damn hot, and enjoy some street food sitting out the front of 7/11 at night time, because who cares about that damn Instagram shot?!
Adapting to the slower pace of living here is definitely a challenge I have faced. Allowing myself to slow down, being gentle, taking it all as it comes and at the pace it’s supposed to. We wouldn’t change as humans if we weren’t challenged once in a while, all the challenges we’ve faced have shaped us into the individuals we are today.

What about the biggest reward?
One of the biggest rewards about this change of life style, is having worked so hard for something and have it pay off. I’m all for creating a balanced lifestyle to the best of my ability, but prior to arriving in Thailand I would eat, sleep and breathe my work culture, but I did it because I had a vision of something greater on the horizon and that’s what made it a bearable task.
One of my most rewarding times in Thailand so far was having the pleasure of meeting a young Thai boy named Baan, who was doing the unfortunate rounds of selling roses to Western tourists like myself; a young boy wandering through intoxicated humans late at night.. something I would never see back in Australia. Over the course of the month I was in Hua Hin, it became quite an often occurrence that I would run into Baan during my evening antics. We spent an extensive amount of time each meeting, talking, laughing and dancing. He held an absolute glow with his warm smile and presence, the way it made me feel is something I will never forget. The concept of having the pleasure of meeting Baan is something I will hold close to my heart for life. Because I certainly underestimated the movement and reflection I would feel from this kind of interaction. Strength, maturity and wisdom is certainly not defined by age. This 9-year-old boy has more internal power and strength than most middle aged humans I know. In the Western world we get aggravated when our latest iPhone breaks, or our public transport system is 5 minutes late. As humans we are weakened by the systems we put in place through reliance; the concept of not being happy unless we have all that is there in the materialistic world. When we strip back these layers and focus on the core values is when we are able to find our purest form of happiness. Realising the beauty in simplicity, and focusing on what we have rather than what we don’t have allows us to be truly grateful for all that is surrounding us.
I knew this mindset was beneficial to living a simple yet happy life, but I never thought a 9-year-old boy would help me strip back the layers even more so and truly change my outlook and appreciation for life.
Amongst the chaos of his life, Baan still presented with a bright smile, significant strength and a courageous attitude; If Baan can present those powerful qualities then I feel like I have the power to do so as well.
From this moment onwards my attitude behind the reasons I was here in Thailand completely shifted. I now realised I wasn’t just here to teach the children I would meet throughout my teaching; I was here to learn from them as much as they were from me.

What practices in your own life help you maintain strength during this journey?
Knowing when I need some time out has definitely been super beneficial for me throughout life, but over in Thailand even more so. Back at home, I would question at times if there was something ‘wrong with me’, I felt like an introverted freak because I genuinely really enjoy my own company. You get to do everything at your own pace, and there is none of this small talk bullshit you seem to see so much of around the place; I can just be at peace with my own thoughts. Over the past year I have really realized how healthy and beneficial it is for me to enjoy my own company, because it means I enjoy being who I am as a person. Which has significantly changed my views on relationships, because if I’m my own best friend then I realize the level of respect I deserve from others.

When I’m somewhere new and exciting, I feel an obligation to be rushing from A to B, trying to jam pack as much into the day as humanly possible. By doing this, I wasn’t allowing myself to be fully immersed in the present moment, because I was always pondering on the next. Obviously there is heaps of excitement and adrenaline when you’re somewhere new, but it is so important to listen to your internal self, and realise when you need a day of rest, repair and recoup. Otherwise there’s potential for burn out of a being and you certainly don’t want that! Dedicating days where I do nothing but relax, read, eat nourishing, delicious and colourful foods (there’s plenty of that going on here) and reflect on the times I’ve had and the memories I’ve made so far. 24 hours of doing exactly this and I tell you, I feel like a changed woman. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! Listen, while being patient and being in tune with your damn great self.

How has this journey changed you so far?
This journey has definitely allowed me become more adaptable to change. There’s beauty in the unknown. Your mind has nowhere to wander to, to create assumptions and expectations, so you’re never let down thinking “damn, this isn’t what I imagined it would be.”
The concept of ‘Thai time’ has certainly rubbed off on me. The Sengtaw is more often than not 15-20 minutes late, but I’m not fazed by it because I’m not running on a tight schedule. A bit of this and a bit of that, all at an enjoyable pace, because what pleasure is there in rushing?
If I’m being honest, I really struggle to see the change in myself until someone else notices it within me. That’s because as humans we are forever changing. I’ll meet someone tomorrow, who I respect and value, and their stories or philosophy on life will stick with me, and boom, I’ve changed again. That’s the beauty of keeping an open mind, you become a reflection of your surroundings, because the people you respect the most are the ones who’ll have the greatest impact on your views of life.

If you could give one piece of advice to women who want to solo-travel for the first time, what would it be?
There’s a stigma around that it is entirely unsafe for females to travel alone. The stigma is based on confronting statistics which I understand, but the drilling of the case can create unrealistic fear. Every place on this Earth has some of the good, genuine people but these places also have the opposite kind. If you choose to listen to anyone or anything, at the bare minimum listen to your gut, it holds the deepest truths. If you get a spur of the moment feeling of ‘shit this place is making me feel a little funky’ then get the hell out of there.
Don’t let the over thought fear stop you though.

Don’t over think things! Worrying is like suffering twice. Let situations evolve naturally, as they should. Whenever you feel yourself getting lost in worry or far away thought. Stop. Inhale. Exhale. Bring your focus to your five senses, and find beauty in each. I can assure you it’s a beautiful way of staying present in the moment you’re so fortunate to have.
We have all heard of the mandatory quote “nothing last’s forever’, but its so true. Nothing does last forever. When travelling, you know you’re only situated somewhere momentarily, so you grasp every ounce of that location and lifestyle in hope that you enjoy the present moment to the utmost best of your ability.

Just have fucking fun! Find it in everything you do. In the juggling of luggage between public transport, in the encounters of language barriers with locals, and in the blessing of your failures along the way, because they will all promote growth.
Don’t forget to smile, at the new nature surrounding you, at the new faces, and at your own each time you catch a glimpse of that fine lookin face in the mirror!